Wednesday, July 31, 2013

How To Sell Your Mini-Van

Many of you might know that I dabble in used cars on the side. I go through a different car every couple of months, usually fun ones like Minis, BMWs, Porsches and Mustangs. It's my manly hobby to offset all of the crafting that I get to do with Mandy. After hanging three pictures, two of them twice, it takes about 100 miles behind the wheel to get my man card back.

So with all of my buying and selling, I feel like I've come up with some pretty good templates for listing cars on Craigslist. I write up a straight forward, honest description of the car along the lines of "...17-inch factory alloys with near-new Z-rated tires..."  I even use Mandy's good camera to take pictures (timing the light just right, of course). All told, I write a good Craigslist ad.

At least, I thought I did. Then one of you (thanks, Jessica!) had to send me the holy grail of Craigslist ads. Straight from Bellingham, WA, this ad will get your van sold in no time.

note: I'd link to the source, but it's such a good ad that the van has sold and the author has deleted his post.



So it's come to this for you. Looking at used Odysseys on Craigslist. I was like you once. Thought I had given up on myself as we only had one child at the time. And there I was, certain that I was selling a piece of my soul. For what? So that I could take a child, a jumperoo and two bikes with me wherever I went? And to what end? Would it make me feel more like a man to know that my 4x8 sheets of plywood were staying dry in the back of my minivan? As it turns out. . ..yes. Yes it would. 

Questions you may have about our sweet ride. 

1. How many miles of pure adrenaline have you put on this baby? A: 100,000. Total is has 152,000. All heart pounding. 

2. Am I giving up on myself if I drive a minivan? A: Yeah. But its not forever and you have a lot of crap to drive around and you're tired of playing Tetris to fit everything in the car. I gave up on myself for years. 8 glorious years of transporting every last piece of baby gear, soccer gear, bikes, plywood and random stuff my wife made me bring. 

3. When you say "smooth tranny" - we're still talking about the van, yes? A: Yes. No tranny problems here. Never had a worry about it. 

4. Will I need to get more friends to fill this thing like a party bus? A: No. You're days of looking for friends are over. Friends come to you now. Why? Because you're new nickname is Seven Passengers McGee. And everyone wants to take a ride with S.P. McGee. 

5. Is there anything festive about your ride? A: You mean like a Christmas tree? You're in luck friend. The dashboard on this car is filled with expensive and well thought out warning lights. While we've loved seeing the gas light come on from time to time, it carries a mere fraction of the thrill of the check engine light! Did you know what an O2 sensor was before you became an adult? After you learned, did you care? Well, as far as we can tell, its what makes the check engine light come on. And does not affect performance. So, it comes and goes and we leave it there like a little message that says - hey! The festive dash lights still work. But we can talk about that. 

6. When you priced this van so low, were you thinking that you might have underpriced the cost of a dream come true? A: Yes. Yes I did. 

7. Do you love new tire smell as much as I do? A: (single tear). That's why this baby has new tires. 

8. I get tired of whistling. Does this vehicle come equipped with some sort of music generating device? A: Yes. It plays one CD at a time. And is able to tune in to MULTIPLE radio stations. Eureka! Who comes up with this stuff?!!! 

9. Is stopping important? A: Depends on how fast you want to get where you're going. And this baby has never had a problem stopping. At the moment, however, it does like to do what I call a "celebrated stop". It makes a bit of a squeal to say "We're stopping! Hooray!" But let's be honest here. I'm clearly a big deal. I don't have time to be driving to Les Schwab and getting new brakes at this point in my life. Not when I have to mow the lawn. Refer to item #6.

10. The small dent in the passenger power sliding door. . ..is that included for free? A: You're welcome. 

11. I have a utility trailer in which I like to keep my mother in law during long drives. Does this come with a trailer hitch? A: Yes. What you tow behind it is up to you. 

12. I feel like this Craigslist ad is unnecessarily long. Do you feel like you've taken up too much of my time? A: If you read the entire thing, that's on you. You could be emailing right now to get a piece of this action and you are wasting time reading a pleonastic car ad such as this? (small sense of pride).

13. Did you have to look up the word pleonastic? A: Yes. 

14. Did you have to sound it out? A: Just buy my damn van. It's awesome. And it's below blue book. 

Email for details. Thanks - Chris


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9 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. OMG when you starting talking about Craigslist adds I totally was going to tell you about this one! HA! I nominated this one for best of craigslist. BTW, I have a photo on my iphone I was going to share with you. Our church made a set for the stage out of Pallets. I know you would appreciate it.

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  3. Ha! That is the best ad ever. I have three grown teenagers and couldn't wait to buy my VW Beetle once they were big enough to "ride" in my car, rather than "fit" in my car (only a parent of multiple children will understand that comment)....but an ad like this almost makes a minivan sound cool again. Thanks for sharing!

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